


i want to write poems on your skin with my mouth

by sevendeadlyfun



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1932186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevendeadlyfun/pseuds/sevendeadlyfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Watching them is like staring at the sun - her eyes water and her head throbs, but the view is so dazzling she can’t stop. She’s nothing like that, not funny or kind or lovely. She’s a right bitch and she wants and wants so bad it hurts.</i> My Mad Fat (Queer) Diary AU, with thanks to Lu for the splendid idea and encouragement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want to write poems on your skin with my mouth

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as a loose follow-on to my other stories [trembling way down inside](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1710194), [our separate unsteady ways](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1845145), & [that's what i'm thinking of now](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1925490) because I was really always thinking about how the characters would come together in a poly relationship. Mostly this story is about my need to make space for queerness in the MMFD canon.

When she tells Rae about the boys, she mentions they’re all fit as. She hints that she’d be happy to snog each and every one of them, individually and possibly as a group. She doesn’t say she’s longing to do the same to Rae. They been friends for ages - far too late to mention she enjoys girls as much as boys.

 

And now Rae and Finn are a couple - a for real, forever, holding hands at the pub couple.

 

Watching them is like staring at the sun - her eyes water and her head throbs, but the view is so dazzling she can’t stop. She’s nothing like that, not funny or kind or lovely. She’s a right bitch and she wants and wants so bad it hurts.

 

Greedy girl that she is, she wants it all. Wants the hot burn of Rae, the mellow warmth of Finn, dreams of being pressed between them with the sweetness of their lips pressed against her skin in the dark. In the light. She spills oceans of salt - tears, come, sweat -  dreaming about the feel of them under her hands, of being welcomed against the softness of their bodies and inside the shelter of their affection and she thinks they already know. She can’t ask, can’t even mention.

 

She stays away a lot. There are plenty of boys and girls who’re happy to give her a ride. The slick press of flesh, wet open-mouthed kisses on her cunt, sharp bites on the underside of her neck let her forget that she’s stupidly in love with two people who’re perfect for each other. She stays away until she can’t, until Rae comes charging after her (Rae is always charging after her) and rescues her from own stupidity. She thinks it’s close to love and close to love is almost enough.

 

Sometimes it’s not Rae that comes chasing her down. Sometimes it’s Finn and she asks if Rae sent him. He nevers answers - she don’t get many words out of him, just a squint and a shrug. He holds out a hand and she lines herself up under the weight of his arm. The firm kiss he presses into her forehead sends little shocks across her skin and she closes her eyes, leans in to the embrace to soak in as much of him as she can get.

 

She thinks she’ll stop loving them, eventually. That one day she’ll wake up and the feelings that sit in the pit of her stomach will be gone and she’ll be free. It never happens but she thinks it might. She has to think it might.

 

Late at night, Rae calls her to talk - about music, about Finn, about this book or that play, the passion in her voice igniting a fire inside Chloe. More and more often she hears Finn’s voice,an indistinct murmur in the background, his words blurring into laughter. Sometimes even those noises muffle and become sharper, more enticing sounds - a quick gasp, a heavy groan, and

she bites her lip bloody to stop the same noises from sneaking out of her own mouth.

 

They watch videos together after college, piled like puppies on the floor of Finn’s lounge. She lays as close as she can, head pillowed on the curve of Rae’s hip and watches the interweaving of their fingers more closely than she does the film. Finn sweeps his thumb restlessly up and down the back of Rae’s hand, a movement Chloe thinks she can feel in her bones. Eventually, they head upstairs to Finn’s room and she sits there alone, listening to the noise of their sex so she can replay it later in her mind.

 

She’s more embarrassed by how much she remembers than by how long she stayed to listen. She thinks it should be reversed. She should feel bad for sitting there, legs pressed tightly together as Rae’s moans grew louder, staying when anyone else (anyone decent, she reminds herself harshly) would have known to leave. She feels bad because she remembers the exact pitch of Finn’s voice when he begs Rae to touch him, please for fuck’s sake touch me, girl - I wanta come for you. She feels bad because she hears him later when she’s alone, her own hand driving deep inside her needy cunt, wringing orgasm after orgasm from her trembling body.

 

There’s a party at Rae’s - another fucking sexy sleepover and she’s the only one without someone to sleep with. But there’s plenty to drink and she supposes there could be worse nights than ones spent with your closest friends. Chop commandeers Rae’s stereo (without physically restraining Rae and Chloe marvels at how quickly Finn distracts her every time she goes to change the tunes - Chop musta promised him something good) and they dance around the house, drinks in hand. She kicks her shoes off, trying for once to not notice how Rae’s body moves in time with Finn’s or how Finn’s hand looks wrapped in Rae’s hair.

 

She still notices. She still wants.

 

When the music dies down and the laughter turns quiet, she sits by herself in the corner of Rae’s room, snuggled under blankets. Her head spins with booze and hazy desire, an unformed longing to do something with someone. She drags a finger up and down her own arm just to feel a touch pressing into her skin.

 

“Hey ya.” Rae slumps down next to her, a wide smile on her face. “You been hiding all night, Chlo.”

 

“Have not,” she protests, her voice louder than she means it to be. She’s drunk and she has been hiding a bit. “Besides, how would you know what I’m doing? You’ve been busy getting snogged half to death. Surprised you and Finn still have any lips left, the way you been going at it.”

 

“You been hiding all night.” Rae repeats firmly and holds out her hand.

 

Chloe takes it, but slowly, watching her fingers spreading out across the soft expanse of Rae’s palm. She don’t normally touch Rae this much but she’s more than half-lit and lonely, the empty space around her heart aching. Maybe it’ll be okay while they’re all squiffy to just take this little bit for herself?

 

Rae pulls her up to standing and shuffles a bit around the blankets puddled on the floor. As she falls into the bed, Chloe tries to pull her fingers out and just let Rae go. She only succeeds in tangling them further and she tips forward, her knees pushing down between Rae’s legs.

 

“D’you know,” Rae whispers in to her hair, “that you’ve kissed me and Finn both?”

 

Chloe closes her eyes, sucking in a quick breath. She remembers both those kisses, the feel of their lips pressed against hers and the wild fluttering in her belly. Her hips rock forward as she remembers, brushing softly against Rae’s hip.

 

She’ll pull away, Chloe thinks. She’ll pull away or push me off and we’ll have a laugh. Little Chloe, good mate, bit of a slag, such fun.

 

But instead of sliding away, Rae pulls her closer. “Oh Chlo, “ she says with a sigh.

 

“Found her, have you?” Finn’s voice breaks the silence.

 

“Yeah,” Rae answers him softly. “She were hiding here in my bedroom.”

 

“Could’ve guessed, “ Finn replies and the lights go out.

 

She buries her face in Rae’s shoulder, uncertain what’s happening or even what she wants to happen. The bed dips and she thinks Finn must be crawling in. She and Rae stay still, legs flung off the edge of the bed.

 

“Chloe?” The words are muffled by her hair.

 

“Yeah, Rae?”

 

“Mind shifting a bit? Bit uncomfortable to sleep this way, yeah?” Rae asks, nudging her.

 

“Oh. Yeah. Right. I’ll just -.” She gestures off into corner of the dark room. “Night.”

 

There’s a heavy disgusted sigh as she tries to stand and Rae pulls her back down, rolling away from the edge of the bed. Lying in between Finn and Rae, she closes her eyes because her skin is electric and there’s a lead weight in her stomach and she’s too drunk to know if this is a good idea or not. She leans into Rae’s arms, trying to stop the steady stream of chatter inside her head.

 

Finn wriggles up behind her, throwing his arm over top of Rae’s. He kisses the top of her head and she sighs before she can stop herself. The tears pooling at the corners of her eyes burn like fire because she knows if one of them falls, she’ll be lost. But she’s wrapped in them, her face buried in Rae’s hair and Finn’s hand warm on her belly, and she thinks this might be the happiest she’s ever been.

  
“Sleep, Chloe.” he whispers in her ear. “Plenty of time for talking later.”


End file.
